The uncertainty of life.

Whenever I run across a story of a parent loosing a child, I am rocked to my core. My brain at once travels to the place of...."What if that were me?" Losing a child is one of my greatest fears. Something I have had to surrender to Jesus.

I had an experience a few days ago, that got me thinking.....

My husband and I (+ a sweet baby) were traveling home after a splendid day trip. We were chatting and thinking and just enjoying our drive. When suddenly a semi truck decides to flip a u-turn right in front of us! We were heading directly for it...the collision seemed immanent. I closed my eyes and cried out in prayer, Joe acted on his instinct and God used his quick reflexes to slide us along side (not into) the semi. I open my eyes and looked at the driver, we are both a bit confused and dazed. Joe pulled over to catch his breath and to talk to someone who had observed the whole thing. 

As I sat there alone in the car, I thought about the fact that I could be dead. I thought about the last day I had spent with my children and I was glad it had been a good one. Then I pondered how my children would remember me, if I died right now. Would it be good? Would they remember me smiling, saying "I love you", would they remember encouragement and peace? Would it be bad? would they remember frustration and anger...would they remember me yelling and being disappointed in them? I know my children love me, but, what will they remember about me?

As I thought about it, I purposed in my heart to smile more often, to slow down to get to know my children and to invest in them personally. Yes, I can strive to do these things...but in my flesh, I will fail. I need to know Jesus. I need to follow after the Spirit. I need to teach them of Him. Only Jesus can make me the mother I need to be. And, if they know Jesus, they will have something that will far outlive any memory of me good or bad. 

I am so thankful for His mercy and so thankful that He is in control.I am thankful for each day I get to enjoy my family. I am thankful I know Him. 

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33)